'why i m like this????'

When i login to this blog, i have no idea what shall i write....my mind is almost blank....all the days, i take new post and start to write something....sometimes i will post, sometimes i didn't...in the last day, i wrote about something and i deleted....i don't know why?? at that time i didn't publish the post....anyway my mind is not satisfied....the reason is me itself....i m indifferent in my studies....now i have semester break till june 1st....started on may 13th...my sister's marriage is on june 22nd...so all of us are busy with the marriage...we went to KTM on may 14th and came back on 22nd....i took some of my books and assignments....i completed almost one assignment when i was there...we go morning(usually after 8'O clock) to invite the relatives for the marriage and reach home only after 7.30....after that we became tired and all of us go to bed after dinner....so i didn't get time to study when i was there...that is not a problem....i get almost 7 days after that....i did only nearly 60 problems for the placement and studied 2 essays for the series examination....my series starts on june 3rd....there are 6 subjects, 2 labs and also one mini project.....series of one subject is alredy over since that mam's marriage is on may 31st....the remaining 5 subjects:( how i write??? anyway start study....that is the only solution....today i took the book at 7'o clock and start studying....but i feel bore and so i sign in to the blog...upto my 4th standard, i m very regular in my studies....i was in KTM at that time....i joined in a new school in TVM in 5th std....i lost my confidence when i m in that school....i don't know why??? i studied in malayalam medium till 4th...when i joined the school in TVM, headmistress of that school forced my father to put me in english medium since that was the first batch of that school for the english medium....anyway lot of thanks to that sister....but in 5th std, i m not able to follow the classes and i m not interested in studies because i didn't understand anything since all the subjects are in english....when i came home, i go to bed after eating and watching TV....i didn't take atleast one book....anyway after 5th i m slightly improved in english and i was able to follow the classes...but my studies are going worse....but in the exam, i scored almost good marks...i m very weak in Hindi at that time....i got only 17 or 18 out of 50....18 is needed to pass the subject...once i got 17 for Hindi...that means i failed...i started crying since that was the first time i failed in a subject and i requested to give 0.5 marks more to the sister....but she didn't gave....i don't know why....my english improved to some more extent at that time...i joined for tuition in 10th std...that sir was very strict...almost 8 of my classmates was there for tuiton...all these 8 are good in their studies....we are very close friends....these friends help me a lot to improve my studies....thanks to them also....he asked questions daily....if not answered he beat us...so i started to study regularly and i scored very good mark in my 10th std....like that i also got good mark in 12th std and somewhat good rank in entrance exam....thus i joined in an engg college....half of first year was good....i got good marks...now also i m not weak in my studies...but lost my interest in studies....again i m saying, i don't know why?? anyway start studying....that is the only solution for this like i said earlier....